Earning the Gift
by denise1
Summary: Jonas wonders if he'll ever earn the gift of friendship


Earning the Gift

By

Denise

Jack stomped down the ramp; the ringing clang of the metal grates an incredibly welcoming sound. He was really, really getting too old for this crap, he thought, handing his weapons over with a barely suppressed sigh. Back in the 'good old days' he used to be able to kick ass for days straight and come bouncing back for more.

It hadn't taken them too long to finish their business with Mot's Jaffa, the warriors' loyalty to their 'god' faltering when they were shown his dead body. It would have been nice to capture the ship, however, by the time Jack had returned with reinforcements, the ship was gone, the Jaffa on the surface apparently abandoned by their fellow warriors.

"Colonel," Hammond acknowledged, walking into the gateroom. "I take it your business is finished?"

"Yes, sir," Jack said. "Most of the Jaffa bailed before we got back. The few that stayed behind surrendered. Teal'c's talking to them. Keller's got control of the planet right now," he reported.

That was something else that had changed. Before he would have felt the need to hang around for a few days, make sure things were going according to plan. Not any more. If he'd realized nothing else in the past few years, it was that he was expendable. And part of being expendable was allowing others to step forward and take over.

It left him torn at times, a part of him wanting to deny that he has his useless moments and fight to keep his foot in the door. That part of him warred with the other part that was starting to like being able to go home at the end of the day, leaving the responsibility to someone else to take care of.

"Good," Hammond said. "We can have a full debriefing tomorrow. You're dismissed as soon as you clear medical," the general ordered.

Jack nodded, gratefully leaving the room. One obstacle down. Now all he had to do was get a couple of needles in the butt, take a quick shower and he could go home and sleep in his own bed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

An hour later he trudged through the halls, cursing himself for leaving his truck keys in his office rather than his locker. He already knew he'd be lucky to grab six hours or so of sleep, and every minute longer that it took him to get out of the mountain, was a minute less he could spend asleep.

Spying a light coming from a familiar door, he frowned, resigning himself to investigating. What the hell was Carter doing here at this hour? He distinctly remembered Fraiser telling him that she was on light duty with orders to take it easy for a few days.

He paused in the doorway. She was seated at her bench; her right arm still encased in its sling. He could see that she was trying to type, the limited mobility of her injured arm obviously hampering her efforts and apparently forcing her to try and use her mouse with her left hand.

He didn't know what was worse, that Jonas had been right, or that the man had been wrong. He'd gotten her injury right; an electrical burn did look a lot like a staff weapon blast. But Jonas had also gotten it wrong, she hadn't been injured on the mission, rather on the base. Where Jack and Hammond had conspired to keep her just so she wouldn't get hurt.

Which, in a roundabout way, sort of made her injury and near death experience their fault. If they'd have ignored Jonas, she'd have went to the planet with him and Teal'c…and for all he knew, she coulda have gotten her head blown off during that firefight at the gate.

He shook his head. This telling the future crap was worse than all the alternate reality fork in the road crap. All it really did was give him one hell of a headache. Woulda, coulda, shoulda didn't matter. What really mattered was what really happened. She was alive, Jonas was alive, they'd liberated Ellorai's planet with no loss of life, at least on their side. That's what mattered. "I thought Fraiser sent you home," he said to announce his presence, walking into Sam's lab.

"Sir." She looked up, obviously startled. "I take it you finished your business?"

"Yep. Another day, another dead goa'uld," he quipped, walking into the lab and standing beside her worktable.

"You killed Mot?"

"Ellorai's daughter did. Tok'ra can't blame us for that," he said, craning his neck to peek around her computer screen. He bit back a grin when he saw a game of minesweeper up on the screen. "You know, electrocution does get you some time off," he said, noting her general lackluster appearance. She looked as tired as he felt.

"I know," she said ruefully. "I tried sleeping. I wake up every time I roll over." She leaned back a bit from the keyboard, her left hand instinctively cradling her right forearm.

He frowned. "Didn't Fraiser give you some drugs?"

She nodded. "She did. I can't take any more for a couple of hours. I figure by then I might be tired enough that I don't care."

He grimaced, knowing exactly where she was coming from. He'd been there a few times himself. Those nasty few days when you were too well to be in the infirmary, but not well enough to want to do much but sleep, yet in too much pain to really get comfortable enough TO sleep.

"How's Jonas?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"Is he doing ok? Last I knew Janet said he was still asleep."

"Oh, yeah. She didn't say anything was wrong," he said, realizing that he hadn't asked the doc about the other member of his team. He'd just assumed she'd say something if anything were wrong.

"You didn't even ask, did you?" she asked.

He looked down, running his hand through his hair. "Look, Carter, I…."

"What's it going to take?" she interrupted.

"Excuse me?" he asked, frowning at her tone of voice. She sounded thoroughly exasperated and defeated.

"I'm sorry, sir," she said, backing down. "I guess I must be more tired than I thought." She closed the game and logged off her laptop. "Maybe I should take Janet's advice and catch a few z's."

She stood up, clearly indicating for him to follow her out. Not sure what else to do, he followed her lead, letting her precede him out into the hall before she used her key card to lock the door. "You need a ride home or something?" he volunteered.

"No, sir, thank you. I'll just find an empty room somewhere," she declined his offer. "Good night."

He watched her go, her unspoken censure lingering after she'd disappeared around the corner. So, he hadn't visited Jonas. So what? He was a big boy. He hadn't kept a bedside vigil while Teal'c had been recovering from losing Junior either. It didn't mean that he didn't care, it just meant….aah hell, he didn't know what it meant. It just meant that he was these peoples' commanding officer, not their mother for cryin out loud.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Late the next morning he walked down the hall, rolling his head as he walked, seeking to alleviate the stiff muscles and tension that had plagued him since this whole mess started.

Teal'c had returned overnight, reporting that some of the Jaffa had agreed to join the rebellion. The ones that hadn't had been sent through the gate to their home worlds. It seemed futile to him at times, to just let the Jaffa go, leaving them to have to fight again. But Jack also knew if they were summarily executing the alien warriors it'd make them no better than the goa'uld they were fighting.

 Looking for lunch companions, Jack made his way to the sleeping quarters. He hadn't seen Carter all morning and he figured that maybe she'd finally gotten some sleep, and maybe even overslept. He planned to round up the members of his team and do a little catching up.

 "I'm worried about him, Teal'c," Carter's voice carried out into the hall. He stopped just outside the door to one of the rooms, deliberately staying out of sight.

"Doctor Fraiser said Jonas Quinn would make a full recovery," Teal'c said.

"That's not what I'm talking about. Well, maybe it is, but not totally," Carter corrected him. She paused and Jack could imagine her trying to order her thoughts, figuring out what to say and what not to say. "He wouldn't let her operate," she said finally.

"Of what do you speak?"

"When he was having the visions," she explained. "He had one that showed the SGC getting destroyed, after SG-15's iris code was sent thorough. The first visions he had weren't that explicit, just random images. He couldn't make any sense of them. And he was afraid he'd misinterpret them like he did the one about me," she continued. "So he wouldn't let Janet operate and kept trying to have the visions, hoping that he'd learn enough to really help. Which evidentially he did."

"And this endangered his health?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "He almost died."

"As did you, if I understood relayed events correctly," Teal'c reminded her.

Jack could almost hear Carter shaking her head, denying what had nearly happened to her. There were times when he didn't know what was worse, Carter always pretending that she was fine or if she'd been the 'I broke a nail and need a week off' types. "The point is," she said, ignoring his last comment. "I'm worried about him," she repeated.

"Jonas Quinn will not be allowed to resume gate travel until he is physically fit."

"It's not him being physically fit that I'm worried about," she said. "Teal'c, it's like he's convinced that HE doesn't matter. That all anyone wants from him is what he knows and no one cares about him."

"That is not true."

"I know," she agreed. "You weren't here. You didn't see him. He was almost desperate to make the visions work. And after I got hurt, he was even worse. He thought it was all his fault that he misinterpreted the vision. That everyone would blame him for me getting hurt. No matter what I said, it didn't make a difference. I'm just worried about him," she finished, obviously not wanting to give her true concerns voice.

Jack didn't need her to. He had an idea what she was getting at. If a person didn't think their life had any value, they usually had few qualms about losing it. How many times in the past few years had Teal'c been prepared to sacrifice himself to save the other members of his team? How many times had he been willing to die to atone for some past wrong?

How many times had Jack gone to Hammond, complaining about the NID and how they viewed Teal'c? How he thought it was unfair for Teal'c to be treated like a resource and not a person.

He remembered his anger towards Adrian Conrad, who'd treated Carter the same way. Not caring that he'd kidnapped a person, the man's only goal his own survival.

And Kanan….he wasn't even going to go there.

Had he become like that? Placing value in someone's information rather than in who they were? Not caring about them, just whether or not they could perform?

"Should you not voice this concern to O'Neill?" Teal'c's quiet question pulled him from his reverie.

"If it gets bad enough I will," she promised, her reluctance to officially say anything speaking volumes. She'd tried to talk to him, last night in her lab, but he'd ignored her. So now she was doing what she felt she had to, taking him out of the loop and trying another way. "It could just be a phase he's going through and once he feels better, it'll go away."

"Then perhaps we should endeavor to maintain our vigilance around Jonas Quinn," Teal'c suggested.  "Until such time that he no longer warrants our surveillance."

"Thanks," she said. "Here, help me with this thing, will you?"

"Does Doctor Fraiser not wish for you to wear the sling for several more days?"

"Yes, she does. And I'll put it back on. I want to go check on Jonas and he already feels guilty enough about me being hurt as it is. He doesn't need a reminder."

Not in the mood for a confrontation, Jack turned, quickly making his way around the corner and out of sight, waiting until they'd gotten on the elevator before stepping back out into the main hall.

Suddenly not hungry, he turned on his heel and headed back to his office, his feet firmly on the ground, but his mind a million miles away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXow mH

Jack sat in the mostly deserted commissary, nursing a cup of coffee. This was one of those long, boring days. A day when he really didn't need to hang around the base, but he also didn't feel like blowing vacation time to go home and hang around. From all reports, Keller still had the planet under control and would be coming home soon. SG-1 didn't have any missions scheduled for several days, so it basically meant Jack was just marking time and trying to ignore all the paperwork he should be doing.

"Mind if I join you?" Jack looked up, automatically struggling to get to his feet. General Hammond waved his hand, pulling out a chair. He sat down, cradling a mug of coffee between his hands. "It's been a helluva week," he said.

"Yes, sir," Jack agreed.

"You know, Jack, I've been in this business for…well for a long time," the older man said after a few minutes. "I've…I think I've lost more friends than I still have. And believe me, it doesn't get any easier."

Jack frowned. "General?"

"When you get to be my age, you start to realize that you've lost more than you'll ever get back. That you've buried more friends than you'll ever have again. And it's tempting, very tempting to stop caring, to stop making friends, to stop opening yourself up to being hurt again."

"Sir? I don't quite understand…"

"Jacob was like that after his wife died. He cut himself off from everyone, even his kids. It took him about twenty years to realize what he'd done, and by then it woulda been too late if it wasn't for Selmac." He pushed his chair back and got to his feet. "Some paths ain't worth following, Jack," he said, getting to his feet and walking from the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack walked into the gym, cursing under his breath as he heard the rhythmic thumping that said he wasn't alone. Identifying the occupant, he felt a bit of relief, not minding if he shared the room with Teal'c.

He gave the man a nod, then tossed his towel on a bench, making his way to the treadmill. He knew from experience, the fastest way to speed up a boring day was to immerse yourself into something to pass the time. Which was why he was in the gym, planning to run away an hour or so. "T," he said, acknowledging the man.

"O'Neill."

Jack started to jog, unconsciously matching his footfalls to the sound of Teal'c punching the heavy bag. The simple monotony of jogging allowed his mind to wander, the events of the previous day replaying in his mind's eye. He relived the firefight, heard again the thump of staff weapons, the screams and cries of injured men. It was silly after all this time to still have flashbacks, the battle yesterday certainly hadn't been the first nor was it likely to be the last firefight he'd ever participate in.

Instead of fighting them, he let the memories come forth. It was natural, he knew, natural to relive things. And the more he let them happen, the quicker they'd fade.

He flashed back to before the fight, their hurried dash to the gate. Reinforcements, they had to get reinforcements. And they had to do it before Mot's Jaffa figured out they were missing and cut them off. They were outnumbered, he knew that. Not just in personnel, but in firepower too.

He could smell the warm grass, hear the rustle of his boots pounding through the heavy weeds. His heart pounded in his chest, his breath rasping in his throat. His knee twinged with each step and he shot a quick prayer that it wouldn't be a total bitch and give out on him.

The gate came into sight and he indulged in a second of relief. They'd made it this far; they were almost home free. Ordering Pierce to dial the gate, taking a cover position. The next few moments would be crucial. The gate was far from stealthy. Anyone within half a mile would know what they were up to.

The faint wail of a Jaffa hunting horn cut through the air and he tensed, raising his zat. Damnit, they knew. They were coming. They were close, he could hear the pounding of their boots…he called out to Pierce, warning the man just as a staff blast cut through the air right where he'd been. Damnit, ambush. It was an ambush. That's why it was so easy to get out of the cells.

He stopped, grabbing the rails of the treadmill to steady himself. An ambush. The Jaffa had fired from where they'd just run through. They'd been surrounded, no way out. The IDC'd been sent, the iris was open, Earth was defenseless and he had no way to warn them. If it hadn't have been for that horn…

"O'Neill?" Teal'c stood by his side, the man's brow creased with concern. "Is something wrong?"

"Yesterday," Jack gasped out. "They had us surrounded, we walked right into an ambush."

Teal'c nodded. "Indeed. Had it not been for the horn sounding, we would not have known until it was too late."

"But Hammond called, trying to warn us."

"According to Ellorai's daughter, that warning is what alerted the Jaffa to our escape and led Chasen to sounding the alarm."

"And that alarm is what warned us of the ambush."

"Perhaps," Teal'c agreed. "We have no way to know for certain."

Jack nodded, scratching his head. He got off the treadmill, turning to leave the room. "Teal'c?" he turned back. "Do I aah…" The Jaffa quirked his head. "About Jonas…"

"Jonas Quinn is well aware that you do not accept strangers easily," he said. "He is also aware that your trust must be earned."

"So you don't think I've been too rough on him?"

"I did not say that," Teal'c corrected. "Trust and friendship are gifts to be earned, not rights to be had. Major Carter, Daniel Jackson and myself have all earned your trust and friendship. And Jonas Quinn shall also, when the time is appropriate." He stepped forward, moving to stand closely to Jack. "Tell me, O'Neill. When you granted me sanctuary upon Earth, was your motivation to save me from execution or did you consider that Earth would benefit greatly from intelligence gathered from a captured enemy?"

"Umm…" Jack opened his mouth to respond, then stopped and thought.

#

"Colonel, what the sam hill is he doing here?" Hammond demanded, his blue eyes shooting daggers through the small window of his office. Jack followed the man's gaze to the large figure standing stoically in the briefing room. He'd been disarmed. Carter had already sent the man's staff weapon that he'd surrendered to her to the armory to be locked up. And likely studied thoroughly.

_His hands weren't bound, but the half dozen armed guards were a sufficient restraint. He was a prisoner, someone that had surrendered voluntarily, but a prisoner none the less._

_"He helped us escape, sir," Jack said. "If it wasn't for him, me and the rest of my team would be dead."_

_"And if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have six condolence letters needing to be written," the general countered. "He led the strike force that attacked this base."_

_"He did?" Jack couldn't hide his surprise. _

_"Yes. Which is why I'm tempted to just send him back through the stargate and let his own people deal with him." The general's face was set, his eyes glittering with anger. Jack could understand his feelings; he'd feel the same way if confronted with someone that had murdered men under his command._

_"General, with all due respect, sir, you do that, he's dead. He betrayed his people; he's a traitor. They'll kill him on sight," Jack argued._

_"And what exactly do you think is going to happen to him here?" the man countered. "He's an enemy POW of a war that hasn't been declared because of a program that doesn't exist. He has no rights."_

_"Sir," Jack said, deliberately trying to calm his voice. "He was a high ranking officer in Apophis' command. Think of all he knows, the intel he has. We want to go through the gate; he's probably been doing it for years. He can tell us which planets are good and which are bad. He's an incredible resource," he said, struggling to come up with an argument that would allow the alien warrior to receive sanctuary. Yeah, imprisonment on Earth sucked, but maybe it was better than a summary death sentence on his home world._

_"And you think he's just going to sit down and tell us all we need to know?" Hammond asked._

_"Yes, sir," Jack said. "Like you said, sir. He's got no where else to go. He's already been to Earth once, so we're no more compromised than we were before. Worst case scenario, we get what intel we can from him then we cut him loose. He can't come back because of the iris thing, so he's no threat."_

_The general's eyes narrowed as he contemplated the suggestion. "It's against my better judgement," he said after a moment. "He'll stay. He is to be confined in a detainment room, I want him fully disarmed, and out of that ridiculous armor and if he so much as breaks wind without permission, the guards will be instructed to shoot to kill. He will NOT harm anymore of my people," he ordered._

_"Yes, sir," Jack agreed, knowing that it was all the concession he was likely to get from the man._

#

"A little of both, actually," he admitted.

Teal'c shrugged. "That is as it should be. I was an enemy. I had attacked this facility, and if I had fallen into the hands of an enemy goa'uld, I would have been tortured for information then killed. Jonas Quinn is aware that his presence on this base is merely tolerated by some, openly despised by others. He is also aware that had he sought sanctuary without also bringing the Naquadria and his knowledge of the Naquadria research, he would not have been as welcome. "

Jack shrugged, acknowledging the man's words. Jonas had bought his way to Earth by turning his back on his people and bringing them Naquadria. Teal'c had done the same thing by sharing his decades of knowledge about the goa'uld.

Hell, Daniel hadn't gotten on his team due to his good looks; he'd gotten there because of his ability to translate the ancient writings they ran across so often. The same with Carter, her knowledge about the gate and her memories from Jolinar proving just how vital she was to the SGC. And himself, he sure as hell wasn't kept around for sentimental reasons.

They were all barterers, trading their skills and knowledge for the right to be a member of the group. They were like the goa'uld that way, judging a person's worth by what they could gain from that person.

But they were also different from the goa'uld. They had the ability to look beyond an individual's skills and see the person underneath. "You guys gonna go visit Jonas again?" he asked.

"Indeed. Major Carter expressed the desire to visit Jonas Quinn before she left the facility for the evening," Teal'c said.

"Gimme a hollar," he said. "I'll go with you guys."

"I shall, O'Neill."

"Think Fraiser will let him have pie?"

Fin


End file.
